A couple were having marriage issues, they went to see a marriage counselor. The woman told the counselor that she would like her husband to initiate intimacy, and she was open to it twice a day.
Really? That’s what it takes to communicate to one another what you truly want, even between a couple?
Yet it’s very common for couples who seek marriage counselors and tell them incredibly simple wants and needs that they should have told their spouse. It’s the reason why their marriage got to the point of seeking therapy in the first place. Had they communicated clearly enough there would have been no need for outside help.
Too often love is lost in miscommunication. It happens not only between couples but also between individuals in other types of relationships. Sometimes you take it for granted that others think what you think and feel what you feel, therefore, when you communicate you fail to convey clearly and precisely what it is that you really mean. You might omit some essential information, which you subconsciously assumed is common knowledge.
The problem is that you think that other person’s minds works the same way as yours. The truth is that’s not the case. An individual’s mind state is a collective effect of all the things, experiences, emotions, and feelings that had occurred to him/her, together with even subtler things from the past lives. Therefore, every mind is very complex and every individual is unique in their own way.
How to improve your communication to better your relationships?
Consider other people’s feelings
Communication takes two ways. What sounds like a good idea may not generate the same response during communication. Think about the roller coaster ride for example. If a guy loves the thrill of a roller coaster and he asks his friend for a roller coaster ride together. His friend may feel excited, if he loves roller coaster as well, or he might feel frightened, if he’s afraid of roller coaster rides.
Communication takes two ways, the sending and receiving of messages. Even if the message send is the same it still depends on the receiving end to determine the effective of the communication. Therefore, when you communicate, consider the feeling of the people receiving the message.
How can you word it so what’s on your mind is transmitted properly? Is there anything subtle that you need to explain for the person to better receive it? Did you say exactly what you meant and did you say it all? Don’t take it for granted that others think and feel like you do, consider their standpoint before you even communicate.
Express your true intent
Sometimes we are afraid to say things because we think it would hurt others, therefore, we don’t say anything, but only to find out later that it creates more confusions, troubles, and misunderstandings. Don’t let it fester, express it clearly even if it hurts temporarily. Convey clearly what is it that you expect and don’t let others guess what you mean.
Speak your love
We don’t say, “I love you” often enough. You might think that you work hard and even work extra hours to make money and support your spouse and kids. Therefore you don’t need to express it verbally how much you love them, as your actions already spoke it. The unspoken love is a common phenomenon especially for people who share the same roof, between husband and wife or you and your relatives.
We take for granted the love we received from our families, friends and relatives, but we are shy in expressing how much we love them. We link saying, “I love you” with being vulnerable or cheesy. Only later do we regret that we did not show our love and appreciation enough, if at all. Perhaps that’s why loving words are given most generously in funerals, but it is too late. Speak your love every now and then and do it spontaneously. When you speak the love, it bathes everyone in the loving glow and lifts their spirits.
Speaking your love does not confine to saying, “I love you.” but it goes beyond that. When you sing praises of others you are speaking your love. When you give your child encouragement you are speaking your love. When you say gentle words to a stranger you are speaking your love. There are many ways you can speak your love so start doing it now.
Show your understanding
Next time someone cuts in front of you in traffic, instead of getting angry show your understanding by telling yourself, “Wow, someone must be in a hurry to the hospital (or whatever place).” Next time you sit in the restaurant and it has been a really long time but your food still hasn’t arrived, instead of getting upset show your understanding by saying, “Wow, the restaurant business must be very good.” Even if the restaurant business is not good but the chef is simply too slow, show your sympathy, because he/she might be new or something else is going on that you don’t know about. When you show understanding you send out the loving energy of peace and harmony, and it comes back to you, multiplied.
I believe that most people have good intentions and it is miscommunication that cause disharmony. Therefore, it is imperative to express yourself clearly and be understanding of others. Say what you mean and say it all.[bctt tweet=”It’s not there’s a lack of love; there’s a lack of expression of it.“]
Consider other people’s’ feelings, express your true intent, speak your love and show your understanding. When everyone communicates better, the world is a better place.