I’ve often heard the complaint of how hard it is to maintain a romantic relationship with your spouse while you undergo spiritual awakening. Your view changes completely and what you deemed important in the past may not be so anymore while you are undergoing profound changes. This certainly can generate conflicts in daily lives. In fact, even if there is no spiritual awakening involved, it is still not an easy task nowadays to keep the relationship alive in general. Not to say that we are all holding at different places spiritually.
However, it is imperative that we find the balance between romance and spirit.
Most people think of human beings as having several base desires. They need shelter, food, company, procreation, and the like. At each step when those needs are met, it feels satisfied and you can continue to grow.
However, as one begins to move away from base desires into the spirit world, one views those needs as superficial. The closer you are to the spiritual world, the less desire your base human needs are. There’s a balance.
How is it that certain monks in the eastern countries are able to fast for so long and meditate? They simply don’t need the desire to be with another person, or to eat for days at a time.
The answer is because when your body senses that your spirit is functioning, it allows your spirit to take over a part and is able to actually maintain a healthy balance. The key though is as you begin your self-discovery, depending where you’re holding in life, that may present its own challenge.
Say you are newly married and decide you want to be more spiritual.
Does that mean that your spouse should never expect to find you in the bed next to him/her?
Does that mean that you won’t go out to fancy restaurants and enjoy life a little bit?
The answer is that one is able to maintain a balance for both, and it’s not as hard as you think. What one must do is to focus and understand what the source of the pleasures is.
Is the source base chemical addiction, such as sexual, or drugs, or alcohol, or things of the like?
Or is it something that reveals a deeper romantic connection?
When we are engaged in those types of actions with our spouse it can come from two ways.
It can come from a base animalistic desire or can come from a base spiritual calling. If it’s from an animalistic desire, it’s expected to be short-lived. The answer is simple, because you cannot maintain that type of pace and satisfy. As you grow and desire that more and more, it will take more to satisfy that.
Think of it as simple biochemical balance.
If you smoke enough, the brain develops a chemical dependency on nicotine by producing less and less dopamine. Eventually what happens is the nicotine compensates for the loss, but you need more and more of it to maintain that equilibrium.
Same is true for animalistic desire.
Whether you realize it or not, things like adultery, and other things of that nature, actually do produce a certain chemical. That chemical becomes dependency which is hard to break, similar to any addiction. The same as in drug use.
However, you’re also maintaining a spiritual relationship with your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or significant other; they are actually “maintained” into that relationship.
When you have the spirtual connection, what you do with the sexual desire is to satisfy both that animalistic desire and also the deeper spiritual desire. Once the spiritual end is satisfied, and it takes over, it actually helps the animalistic side. It is similar to what they do when they actually meditate.
When you meditate you’re in fact taking your spiritual desire and making that over your body. When you do that your body becomes numb to some degree.
It is hard to explain in words, but if you’ve ever been seriously engaged in some deep thought, you’re actually able to distance yourself from your body for a few moments. You might not realize that you had hit your head, you might not realize that you’ve scratched your leg, you might not realize that there was a pain that was killing you, that suddenly for those few moments are gone.
Why is that that the pain is not there?
As it just suddenly disappeared?
The answer is because when you are spiritually involved your body is subjugating itself to that spirit, and that spirit is indeed active and heightened in its senses and numbs the rest of your body.
It is a good feeling when you’re able to accomplish this. You can thereby balance both your animalistic desires and your spiritual world, maintaining a proper equilibrium that allows you to enjoy a much fuller life.
Q: What if one person undergoing spiritual awakening while the partner is not?
You cannot bring along someone to the same level that you are; it is simply not going to work. Your partner will resent the fact that you’re trying to present this. However, you must explain to your partner who sincerely loves you and is in relationship with you, that you’re looking to grow as a person. With that you feel you are not threatening them.
If a person feels threatened in any sort of manner they will instantly distance themselves, not only from the person presenting the idea but from the idea itself. They will simply say you’ve gone off the deep end, or you’ve gone off your rails, or any of the other terms/phrases that apply to that.
• What you need to do is simply explain that you decided that you wish to grow as a person.
You’re not asking them to be the same as you, however, that you are asking them to respect the fact that you are trying to grow. What you will then do is to introduce to them slowly the ideas you presented.
• Find the right time to present your ideas.
It is obvious with your significant other if they are in a bad mood then you should probably not talk to them about anything that involves deep thoughts. Even simple things as spending, or billing, or anything of daily routines is not being your best interest to present to a person who is angry.
However, when a person is in a more joyful mood and they are actually able to be receptive to your ideas, you can then slowly introduce them to those things. If you do this correctly and in the right stages, you actually can enhance the relationship that you currently have.
Your significant other will appreciate the fact you have not forced your own desires to grow on them and will also appreciate the fact that you’re looking to branch out on your own. And they see that you feel more balanced, healthier, more vibrant, have more bounce in your step, more and more smile on your face.
You have all that put together they will actually be instantly attracted to that or want to understand the nature of that. You explain to them that all this is a result of you looking to grow spiritually as a person. They all want to eventually join that too.
Q: What if for whatever reason the partner does not open up their mind and refuse to come along? Is it a good idea for the spiritually awakened person to walk away from the relationship?
A person who is having a relationship with someone who is clearly not interested in spiritual gain, let’s go back and examine on a deeper level.
You must go back and look if there’s a blockage on the other side of that person who they are with. If there is simply a matter of being a blockage, perhaps that could slowly be worked on.
However, if their destiny clearly is in a place where it’s not going to grow, then analyze what their situation is. If it is somewhere where they are, for example married and have children, that can obviously make things more difficult. The person at that point has to understand and decide what level of wish they wish to gain spiritually.
Is there an allowance of self-sacrifice that is required of them?
Is this situation (one person is spiritual while the partner is not) what their life destiny is all about?
If it is, then they must come to terms with that and understand that they can balance by meditating on their own. Finding the time to grow as a person, while understanding that their spouse will never do the same. Never say never as they say, so a person should never give up hope. However, it is more unlikely that’ll be the case. That person would have to meditate on their own without the support of their spouse.
However, if it is clear that they are just in a girlfriend-boyfriend type of situation or they are dating, they feel that they cannot really move with this person that they are not on the same plane anymore, and perhaps it is time to examine the relationship. Of course, one should check and understand that if there is a blockage, they should actually take it into consideration. However, if the person does not do that or has done so and realizes that they cannot move them from the blockage, in that situation then perhaps yes they would need to walk away.
Q: Is it always better for couples to stay together and grow spiritually, instead of one had undergone spiritual awakening and the other person refused to do so? Is it their destiny to work together as a couple as opposed to walk away from each other?
The ideal state is a couple who’s in complete harmony with each other. However, 99% of the people are not in this category. Most people are holding at a very different spiritual place than their partner. Sometimes it’s the man, sometimes the woman, whatever the case is, most people are never holding in the same place. That is just the nature of the world and the universe as a system as it is situated.
Complete harmony is the goal to achieve for every couple.
However, it is a very difficult one to achieve in one’s lifetime. That is why many people have to go through many different phases of their lifetimes in order to try to achieve that, and even then, does not always reach harmony.
There are two channels. There is the unique individual channel of what they are supposed to do with their life, and then there is the couple as it relates to it. The universe sends a spouse that will either enhance it or hinder that. The universe is choosing that based on the fact of what the person’s destiny is.
If the person needs to grow, hindering at times can even be greater source of growth because they will need to master more spiritual strength to achieve their objective. However, if it is a case of where a person is weak perhaps, the universe will send them a similar person who will be able to enhance them and grow together. It all depends on where they are holding in this situation.
This blog article was channeled by Charles Rappaport in collaboration with Sue Maisano. Sue is a healer and author of The Healing Journey.
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